WHERE CHATTERS GO TO TALK ABOUT OFF TOPIC STUFF!
WWE Women's Tag Team Championship (On Kickoff show)
Asuka & Charlotte Flair (c) vs Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler My Prediction: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler What actually happened: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler I was right, but for the wrong reasons. Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler did regain the Women's Tag Team Championships, but not because of a Charlotte Flair turn on Asuka. Instead, we saw the Nature Boy, Ric Flair, aka Charlotte's dad, who has been feuding a bit with Charlotte through his um...interest in Lacey Evans, came out with Evans, who was wearing a Ric Flair style robe. Charlotte is distracted! The roll-up! ONE, TWO, KICKOUT. Nah. match wouldn't be over quite yet...It didn't end until the Nature Boy gave Lacey a foreign object (probably brass knuckles, but camera didn't show clearly), who then hit Charlotte on the head with it, knocking her out cold. We are either gonna get Charlotte Flair vs Lacey Evans at Elimination Chamber or Wrestlemania, guaranteed. It also helps to set up the Nia/Shayna vs. Mandy Rose/Dana Brooke feud I alluded to in the Preview thread. Grade: B for the match itself, dropped down to a B- for predictability. WWE Championship Drew McIntyre (c) vs Goldberg My Prediction: Drew McIntyre What actually happened: Drew McIntyre Yeah, this was a total waste of time. Goldberg was sweating already after making his entrance, he was gassed very early on, thank goodness this was a short match. The WWE really needs to stop bringing Goldberg back for these once-offs, the man is WAY past his expiration date. Grade: D Smackdown Women's Championship Sasha Banks (c) vs. Carmella My Prediction: No Prediction What actually happened: Sasha Banks This match wasn't officially announced. It was rumored to be on the card, but was never made official, so I didn't include it in my predictions thread. I gotta be honest here...I have a weird opinion when it comes to Carmella. Objectively, she is a decent enough wrestler, and can handle herself quite well in a wrestling ring. She is probably better than she really gets credit for. But on the other hand, subjectively, I hate her. I can't stand her. I never, ever want to see her on TV, because she annoys the hell out of me. Decent enough match though. Grade: B Women's Royal Rumble Match My Prediction: Bianca Belair What actually happened: Bianca Belair Decent Rumble match, but not spectacular. Bayley and Naomi entered first and second, with Bianca entering 3rd. I could go into the nitty gritty of the order, the eliminations, etc, but other than Bianca Belair getting pushed into the main event level status with the win, the real story of this Royal Rumble was Billie Kay. Since the last draft, when she was separated from her tag team partner Peyton Royce, Billie Kay really hasn't had much to do. She's kind of floundered around, not really having any direction. I think last night, she found her direction. Billie Kay is never going to be a main event singles wrestler. She is, however, going to be on TV a lot, as she was downright FUNNY. Like, Santino Marella kind of funny. Best moment of the Rumble was when Peyton Royce entered, and her and Billie had a moment...The sheer look of glee on both of their faces as they got to reunite for a few moments was adorable. Outside of Billie Kay, VERY impressive performance as well for Rhea Ripley, who may get her second shot at the main roster after that performance. She got elevated from NXT last year, and then the WWE completely botched her push to the point she got sent down to NXT again...Hopefully they get it right this time, because Ripley is going to be a future WWE Women's champion. She is too damn good not to be. Grade: B+ for the match, potential to go up to an A- or an A, depending on how they follow up with Belair, Ripley and Billie Kay's performances. WWE Universal Championship - Last Man Standing Match Roman Reigns (c) vs. Kevin Owens My Prediction: Roman Reigns What actually happened: Roman Reigns The outcome of this match was never in doubt to me, while it was a pretty good match in and of itself, I never felt while watching it, that any outcome other than Reigns keeping his title was possible. I don't think the WWE will even think about switching that title off of Roman Reigns' waist until Wrestlemania, so any title matches before that are really just for show. This match will probably be remembered for the botch at the end. Kevin Owens handcuffed Reigns low enough that he couldn't really stand...which, in a LMS match, would mean Owens wins. however, as the ref hit the 9 count, he got too close to Reigns, who then grabbed him, and pushed him into a prop to knock him out, so the countdown would stop. Paul Heyman would come out with keys to the handcuffs (they were the ones who originally brought the handcuffs out, Owens handcuffed Reigns only because he managed to beat Reigns to the punch)...Reigns was gonna do the exact same thing to Owens...Eventually a 2nd ref comes out, and starts the countdown again. However, Heyman was having some trouble getting the handcuffs open, so the ref got to 6 or 7, and had to "stop" to check on Kevin Owens...buying Heyman at least another 15-20 seconds to undo the handcuffs. The match, because it was a LMS match, also meant they were free to go anywhere in Tropicana Field...and part of the match took place around the 2nd ring. Lemme explain: The WWE already has a 2nd ring set up, on a different part of the field, with LOTS of space for chairs surrounding it, to be used whenever the state of Florida allows fans to return to sporting events in numbers. So, whenever that order comes in, they are already prepared to switch locations to the more open area, and have a more...traditional wrestling show. Grade: B+ for the match itself, dropped down to a B for predictability. Men's Royal Rumble Match My Prediction: Seth Rollins What actually happened: Edge Well, what can I say? I was close, dammit, LOL. I was correct about Rollins making his return, and he DID make it until close to the end...he was one of the final four left...Anyway...#1 and #2 happened to be Randy Orton and Edge, to allow them to continue their feud, just the two of them, for at least a little bit. More people come in, Randy Orton "injures" his knee, leaves without being eliminated to go see WWE medical staff. One of the surprise entrants was the returning Carlito Colon. That was cool. Honestly, Carlito, who hasn't been seen in a WWE ring for about a decade now, looked fantastic. He was in great shape, maybe the best physical shape of his career. If the WWE signed him to a short term, or even long term deal, and this wasn't just a one-time nostalgia act, I am fine with that. I mean, they brought back both Shelton Benjamin and MVP...and Carlito looks like he is still able to go... Another HUGE pop was when Christian made his return, and as soon as he entered the ring, he and Edge embraced. For those of you unaware, not only were Edge and Christian a long time WWE tag team together, but best friends in real life. Adam Copeland (Edge) and Jay Reso (Christian) have known each other since they were little kids, growing up together in the same Orangeville, Ontario neighborhood. I wouldn't be surprised at all if Christian will be sticking around, at least for a while, to provide support for Edge. Like Carlito, Christian had a very good showing in the match. Generally, one-off nostalgia acts get their pop, and get eliminated within a few minutes, but both Carlito and Christian got plenty of match time. Anyway, we get close to the end, and wouldn't you know it...the "injured" Randy Orton jumps into the ring, tries to eliminate Edge, only for Edge to reverse it and eliminate Orton... Grade: A- Ok. I should point out a few things. The WWE changed the rules to the Rumble matches this year. The time between entrants was shortened to 90 seconds, rather than the full two minutes. They likely felt that with a few of the other matches, the PPV would be too long if they went with the two minute timing. Not the first time they have done that, probably won't be the last time either. It does put a small asterisk on both Edge and Bianca's wins, meaning while they were early entrants who lasted, their matches were shorter than other Rumbles have been. Also, with Edge winning the title match at Wrestlemania, if Elimination Chamber sees Drew McIntyre defending his title in a rematch against Randy Orton, you can damn well be sure that I will be predicting an Orton win....Edge/Orton for the title is a LOT more interesting than Edge/Reigns or Edge/McIntyre is.
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Here is the full card for the Royal Rumble, as of 1/26/21. If any last-minute matches get added on this week's Smackdown, I will add to this review. As always though, the card is subject to change. First, a brief explanation for those of you who have never seen a Royal Rumble match. It's a 30-man variation of a Battle Royal, except instead of all 30 men starting out in the ring at the same time, it's staggered. The match starts with two men, and then every 2 minutes (in some years, WWE has shortened this delay to only 90 seconds), another man enters. This continues until all 30 entrants have entered. There are no pinfalls, no DQs, no countouts in a Royal Rumble. The way you win, is to throw the other wrestlers over the top rope, so that they land on the floor outside of the ring. Both feet must hit the floor for it to count though. If a wrestler gets thrown out, and somehow manages to avoid their feet hitting the ground, if they can find a way back into the ring without their feet hitting, they can re-enter the ring. The winner is the last man standing after the other 29 have all been successfully eliminated. The prize for winning the Royal Rumble is you get a guaranteed title match at Wrestlemania, against the champion of your choice. Now for the preview: WWE Universal Championship - Last Man Standing Match Roman Reigns (c) vs. Kevin Owens First, a Last Man Standing Match is rather simple. Basically, it's just like boxing. You win with a 10-count. If I am being honest, despite this being for one of the Heavyweight belts, this feels like a filler match to me. I cannot see any logic in giving Kevin Owens the title at this time. Roman Reigns wins, and will continue to carry the belt all the way to Wrestlemania. Prediction: Roman Reigns WWE Championship Drew McIntyre (c) vs Goldberg Why is this match even happening? Unless Vince McMahon has truly lost his mind, there is no way in hell that Bill Goldberg, at age 54, is gonna win the WWE Championship. However, we can't be completely sure that Vince hasn't lost his mind...I can see this match going two ways: 1. Drew McIntyre wins in a total squash. 2. Somehow, miraculously, Bill Goldberg pulls off the upset, wins the belt on Sunday, only to promptly lose the title right back to Drew McIntyre either on Monday's edition of RAW or the following week's RAW, in a rematch. That is, it's entirely possible the WWE could give Bill Goldberg a token title reign of a few days...they shouldn't, but, it's possible. They did it last year, after all. Prediction: Drew McIntyre should win, with the caveat that if somehow Goldberg wins, McIntyre will have the belt back within a week or two anyway. WWE Women's Tag Team Championship Asuka & Charlotte Flair (c) vs Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler My heart wants Asuka and Charlotte to just wipe the mat with Nia Jax...however, while I understand the desire to give Charlotte the Tag Team title immediately upon her return, until she was back to full ring shape, it's clear the WWE is building up to Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke as tag team champions. That means Asuka and Flair drop the belts. Not to mention the obvious...Charlotte Flair has never played nice for very long...she is a natural born heel, and is going to turn on Asuka at some point to challenge her for the RAW women's title, which Asuka also holds. This is as good of a time as any to progress two storylines leading up to Wrestlemania. Prediction: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler regain the straps. Men's Royal Rumble Match Not everyone has been announced, and there is no real way to predict a Rumble, with so many people in the match, and multiple wrestlers you can legitimately see winning...so this is going to be pure guesswork on my part: On Raw, they mentioned Edge's return...but I think him and Randy Orton will continue their feud, which doesn't require either man to win the Royal Rumble. Daniel Bryan has indicated he wants to win the Rumble at least once before his wrestling career is over. He's also hinted strongly that his wrestling career is in fact, almost over. However, Vince has never fully bought into Daniel Bryan as a true champion, he's had to be talked into each of DB's title runs by Triple H and others who understand modern wrestling a lot more than Vince McMahon does...Unless the WWE is planning on a MAJOR swerve to elevate someone completely unexpectedly (Shinsuke Nakamura winning his 2nd Rumble?) the winner is gonna be a returning Seth Rollins. Rollins has been off of TV for the last two months, as the WWE allowed him to take time off to be with his fiance Becky Lynch and their newborn baby. He gets to reinvent himself as a face after the terrible "Messiah" gimmick after being off TV, wins, and then challenges Reigns at Wrestlemania. Prediction: Seth Rollins Women's Royal Rumble Match Honestly, I don't have a freaking clue who the WWE plans to win this match. However, I do see a few possibilities that are more likely than others. 1. Charlotte Flair repeats. If she drops the tag titles like I think will happen, then her winning the Rumble can immediately set up a match with Asuka at Wrestlemania, without having to build it up much. 2. Bianca Belair. This woman is gonna be a star. She is amazingly athletic in the ring, and it would give the Women's Division another contender, beyond the same ol', same ol' small group of women who always seem to be in the title hunt. 3. Bayley. Main event level talent, wouldn't surprise anyone or be even a remote upset if she won. After those three though, I can see the possibility of two major surprises happening. 4. Rhea Ripley. The WWE completely botched her introduction to the main roster last year, to the point they sent her back down to NXT. They could use this Rumble to reintroduce her in a big way. 5. LONGSHOT: the Rowdy one, Ronda Rousey makes her return to the WWE. I've seen multiple sources claiming that Rousey was staying in ring shape. It wouldn't shock me if the WWE and Rousey are keeping a possible return completely hush hush. Prediction: If I had to pick one, I will go with Bianca Belair...but I am NOT confident about that pick at all. As of March 18th, the WWE Network is being shut down. NBC just announced that they have reached an agreement with the WWE to incorporate all WWE Network programming as part of their Peacock streaming service. The deal is for 5 years, and reportedly worth 1 billion dollars.
The thing is, pretty much everyone who has Comcast/Xfinity already has the Peacock streaming service, as it is included with your Comcast package provided you have at minimum, cable and internet through Comcast...The WWE Network has about 1.1 million subscribers. Peacock has 22.1 million subscribers. The math here is ridiculously easy for Vince McMahon...And to do it a few weeks before Wrestlemania is ideal...casual wrestling fan might check it out, and it could potentially lead to significantly better ratings for WWE programming during the week as well, as the hope is casual viewer checks out WWE content on Peacock, and then gets hooked... As you know, it's January. And January means not only the NFL Playoffs, but this month also means the "Road to Wrestlemania" officially kicks off, with the WWE starting to lay down the framework for what will eventually become their annual Wrestlemania card. And that "Road to Wrestlemania" always begins at the same place. The 2nd greatest PPV on the WWE schedule every year, and the best gimmick match ever conceived, THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!!! On January 31st, the WWE will be presenting the 34th annual Royal Rumble PPV, available on the WWE Network. I will be doing a preview thread of that PPV next week, but before that, I wanted to talk about my personal all-time favorite Rumble match, the 1992 version. Now, the rest of the 1992 Royal Rumble PPV was utter shit. If you have the WWE Network, and want to watch this Rumble, just find the Royal Rumble match itself, you can completely skip everything else. But this edition of the Royal Rumble match is generally considered to be the best Rumble match of all time. However, before we can dive in to this match, some background. Now, if you go back to one of my earlier posts (11/11/20), you know that a year after his debut at the 1990 Survivor Series PPV, the Undertaker beat Hulk Hogan at the 1991 Survivor Series PPV for the WWF Title to earn his first world championship. However, it was very controversial, due to the actions of the recently WWF acquired Nature Boy, Ric Flair. A rematch was scheduled for the minor PPV "This Tuesday in Texas" in early December of 1991, which saw Hulk Hogan regain the title in a match that had another very controversial ending...thanks again to the Nature Boy... As a result, WWF President Jack Tunney (storyline only, obviously) declared the WWF title to be vacant. It was later revealed that the vacated WWF title would be awarded to the winner of the Royal Rumble, rather than the winner getting a shot at the title for Wrestlemania. So, the stakes for winning the match were massive. This one match had Ric Flair, the Undertaker, Hulk Hogan, and Randy Savage all in their prime, the soon-to-become "Mr. Wrestlemania" Shawn Michaels, and included 16 total future WWE Hall of Famers (including Taker, who isn't in yet, but will probably get his own wing soon). The match started out with the British Bulldog and Ted DiBiase coming in as the #1 and #2 entrants. DiBiase would be eliminated very shortly, only 1:18 into the match, but, who gives a shit? There is only one thing you really have to know about this match...At the #3 spot, came this guy, accompanied by yet another WWE Hall of Famer, Mr Perfect himself, Curt Hennig: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And if you have EVER heard of the 1992 edition of the Royal Rumble before, you already know that he is the story of this event. At age 42, the Nature Boy not only lasted for a full hour, but when all was said and done, it wasn't the Undertaker holding up the gold, it wasn't the Macho Man, Sgt. Slaughter or the Heartbreak Kid, it wasn't even the Immortal one himself, the face of the WWF, Hulk Hogan...The new WWF World Heavyweight Champion was in fact, the dirtiest player in the game, the NATURE BOY! Ric Flair has described his brief time in the WWF between 1991-1993 as the most fun he had ever had in the wrestling ring, even though the teased Wrestlemania match between him and Hulk Hogan never materialized (What a waste). After winning two WWF titles in 1992, in 1993, Flair would return to WCW, and stay there until it closed down...But for a year and a half, Ric Flair called the WWF home, and this match was the crowning achievement of not only his stint in the WWF, but perhaps his entire career...I mean, all you have to do is watch his promo backstage, immediately after: Just a few months earlier, WCW head Jim Herd had cast Ric Flair aside because of his age, despite him being their current Champion (Recall Flair appearing on WWF TV with the Big Gold Belt for his debut)...and here, just a few months later, you had the same 42 year old Ric Flair who was cast aside by WCW, win the WWF Championship over some of the WWF's biggest all-time greatest superstars, by putting on one of the greatest performances in his life... Ric Flair thought he was washed up. Didn't know if wrestling had passed him by when he signed with the WWF. He knew, with names like Hogan, Savage and the Undertaker, that in the WWF, there was no guarantee that he would be anything but a mid-carder. He couldn't expect the casual WWF fans to know his history, his legacy in the business, his NWA World titles didn't mean anything up north...all he had to do was ask Dusty Rhodes, who went from being one of the NWA's greatest, to dancing around in polka-dots in the WWF just a year before Flair arrived... But Vince knew damn well who Ric Flair was. Vince knew his history, Vince knew his legacy. Not only did Vince McMahon respect Ric Flair, but he found a way to elevate Ric Flair. With this one match, this one booking decision, Vince McMahon probably extended Ric Flair's full time active wrestling career by a good decade by instilling in the Nature Boy a renewed sense of purpose, renewed confidence in his own abilities. For that, the 1992 Royal Rumble will always hold a special place in my heart. WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! "Fans, if you're even thinking about changing the channel to our competition, do not. We understand that Mick Foley, who wrestled here at one time as Cactus Jack, is gonna win their World title. Ha! That's gonna put some butts in the seats, heh."
- Tony Schiavone, WCW announcer, during the January 4th, 1999 episode of WCW Monday Nitro. And with that single shot, The Monday Night Wars, fought between WCW (World Championship Wrestling)'s Nitro and the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment)'s RAW television programming realistically ended, 22 years ago today. WCW announcer Tony Schiavone made that utterance with sheer snide in his voice, the idea being that WCW was mocking the WWE's decision to put the title on Mick Foley (then known as Mankind)'s waist, and that the decision would end up as a sign the WWE had no clue what it was doing. Instead, what happened is that immediately after he mocked the WWE, 600,000 fans turned the channel away from WCW to watch Mick win the belt over on Monday Night Raw. WCW, which had dominated the WWE in TV ratings for 83 consecutive weeks, would never lead in the TV ratings ever again, and would see them decline to the point the company went out of business a few years later, and Vince McMahon and the WWE purchased their formal rival. WCW nearly put the WWE out of business at one point, and yet, only one of those two companies is still standing...and it's not WCW. There is a lesson to be learned there. No matter how long you are at the top, all it takes is potentially one wrong thing to knock you completely off your pedestal. You should never make yourself completely comfortable if you are at the top...and if you aren't at the top, your fortunes can change on a single thing too, so you can't ever completely give up hope. www.cbssports.com/wwe/news/2020-wwe-tlc-tables-ladders-chairs-predictions-card-matches-start-time-date-location-ppv-preview/ I am being lazy. It's after 5, on a Friday afternoon, and I am tired...so instead of actually taking the time to manually write up each match with a prediction, I am just gonna post CBS Sports' article, with my predictions added on to theirs. Credit goes to Brent Brookhouse and Adam Silverstein over at CBS Sports. One of WWE's most iconic matches returns this Sunday at the TLC pay-per-view. Both the WWE and universal championships will be on the line in TLC matches with expectations high for both to deliver big thrills. In total, five championships are on the line at TLC, including Roman Reigns defending the universal championship against Kevin Owens and Drew McIntyre putting the WWE title on the line against AJ Styles. All the action goes down from the ThunderDome inside Tampa Bay's Tropicana Field. TLC will begin at 7 p.m. ET with the show expected to last approximately three hours, not counting the kickoff show, which starts one hour prior to the main card at 6 p.m. CBS Sports will be with you the entire way on Sunday with live results, highlights and analysis. Let's take a closer look at who our CBS Sports experts predict will come out on top at WWE TLC. Women's Tag Team Championship: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler (c) vs. Asuka & TBD With Lana being pulled from the match due to kayfabe injury, there are a finite number of women who can take her place: Nikki Cross being the one that makes the most sense followed by Charlotte Flair and Naomi, either of whom would be making their return after injury layoff. More likely is that WWE resets its women's storylines as it initially planned before Mandy Rose was injured. I believe Rose & Dana Brooke were supposed to face and defeat Jax & Baszler with one or both of those women moving into a feud with Asuka for the Raw women's championship entering 2021. So with Lana sidelined and Rose back, it makes sense to run an angle with Jax & Baszler taking out Asuka before the match, allowing Adam Pearce to choose a replacement team that gets the job done as initially planned. Pick: Mandy Rose & Dana Brooke win the titles -- Adam Silverstein (also Brent Brookhouse. Dave won't predict who the winners will be, but will predict that Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler will lose. Their entire tag team run has been just to set up the rivalry between them about who is better...the answer is obviously Shayna, because Nia is one of the sloppiest wrestlers in the company, but I digress) Raw Tag Team Championship: The New Day (c) vs. The Hurt Business The build to this match has been convoluted with New Day going 2-0-1 in title matches against Cedric Alexander & Shelton Benjamin before the requisite singles victories from Alexander earned Hurt Business another title match. Hurt Business needs the boost of the titles, while New Day is getting a bit boring with the straps on Raw. I'm not sure why the storyline would have run this way if it was not for a change to come at this pay-per-view. Pick: The Hurt Business win the titles -- Silverstein (Dave agrees.) I could absolutely see the titles switching here, but I think this is where the seeds they've been planting with Cedric Alexander's selfishness start to pay off. Alexander was tagging himself in as Bobby Lashley was dominating in a six-man, he has celebrated wildly several times in a way that seemed to upset the rest of the Hurt Business and so on. I can see him making a decision that backfires, allowing New Day to retain and causing internal issues with the group. Pick: The New Day retain the titles -- Brookhouse (Dave disagrees, you save the backfire stuff for later. Give Hurt Business the belts, and THEN have Alexander's antics cause them to drop the belts, say at the Royal Rumble next month.) "The Fiend" Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton Wyatt is on the standard path of facing a rival in a match as himself before the payoff match as The Fiend. Orton was getting the better of the initial match before Wyatt disappeared and was replaced with The Fiend. Then Orton lit a box containing Wyatt on fire only to see The Fiend emerge. Given Wyatt's "victories" on Raw, Orton would usually get the win at the pay-per-view. But The Fiend is a special attraction and those rules don't always apply. Additionally, Alexa Bliss has been off screen since Orton threatened her as proof he found The Fiend's weakness (she was actually just off filming for the new Punky Brewster show). This would be a good spot for her to pop back up, cost Orton the match and prove that she is not a weakness. Pick: "The Fiend" Bray Wyatt wins -- Brookhouse (also Silverstein and Dave, who sadly has to pick against Randy Orton, who has been the freaking MVP of 2020 for the WWE) SmackDown Women's Championship: Sasha Banks (c) vs. Carmella WWE is finally giving Banks a run with a championship after her history of being unable to hold on to the title. It's hard to see that ending at the hands of Carmella less than to months after Banks won the belt. Carmella has come off strong through the story and that's great for the division, because SmackDown needs more players at the top of the women's division, but she's not ready for a title run and Banks' run hasn't developed enough. Pick: Sasha Banks retains the title -- Brookhouse (also Silverstein and Dave...Carmella is FUGLY.) WWE Championship: Drew McIntyre (c) vs. AJ Styles (TLC match) Styles is a great utility player at this point. You can slot him into any situation and he's a credible threat. That said, it's hard to see McIntyre losing the belt before WrestleMania, especially after he already briefly lost the belt to Orton. This should be an excellent match and could set up a Miz Money in the Bank cash-in attempt, which would also likely fail in the interest of keeping McIntyre a strong champion. Pick: Drew McIntyre retains the title -- Brookhouse (also SIlverstein and Dave) Universal Championship: Roman Reigns (c) vs. Kevin Owens The simple fact of the matter is that Reigns is the top character and storyline going in WWE right now. It has been an incredible new character that is captivating audiences and making people excited about SmackDown. Reigns will lose the title at some point, but it won't be to Owens at a B-level PPV. It will likely be at WrestleMania against another current superstar (like Daniel Bryan or Big E). if WWE follows through with the rumored Goldberg match, perhaps Reigns holds the title for a calendar year until SummerSlam. Owens has been revitalized by this feud, but the change we will see in him may be more of a heel turn than Owens becoming the new champion. Pick: Roman Reigns retains the title -- Silverstein (also Brookhouse, and Dave, who just doesn't get Kevin Owens. WHY IS HE INTERESTING?) Whenever you see a list of the best wrestling video games, WWF No Mercy for the Nintendo 64 is usually listed as #1. It's status is almost legendary, and gets the highest marks for gameplay and it's CAW (Create-A-Wrestler) system. No Mercy is absolutely an AMAZING wrestling game. There are some games that have come after it that have also become beloved by the fans, including Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain, various entries in the Smackdown Vs. Raw series (especially 2007 and 2011), as well as WWE 13, 2K14 and 2K17. (Any WWE game after 2K17 is utter crap). However, if I had to pick ONE wrestling game to own outside of No Mercy, it wouldn't have the WWE label on it anywhere. Instead, I would go with Spike Chunesoft's Fire Pro Wrestling World. The Fire Pro series is actually quite old, the first game coming out for PC (Japan only) in 1989, with Super Fire Pro Wrestling being the first console game, available on the Super Famicom. Over the years, multiple Fire Pro games were released for the Super Famicom, Playstation, PS2, Sega Saturn, PC, Xboxes. etc, but for the most part, they were Japan-only releases, and those of us here in the United States had little idea the series existed. If you have never even heard of the game until reading this post, it's perfectly understandable. And then something amazing happened. Spike Chunesoft put the game on Steam for PC users, and released it in North America for Playstation 4 owners. And Twitch streamers started to play it on stream, which is how I discovered it. OK, but what does the game actually look like??? Graphically, it's not trying to be photo-realistic like the WWE 2K series does...and in my opinion, that's a GREAT thing. Not having to be photo-realistic allows you a lot of freedom in your Create-A-Wrestler features. (More on that later). The isometric view takes a bit to get used to, but once you do, it feels normal.
There are plenty of match types available, for both single and multiplayer experiences, as well as story modes and a Promoter mode, kind of like Smackdown vs. Raw's GM mode. From traditional wrestling matches to straight up MMA rules inside the Octagon... Now, the actual game play itself is HARD AS HELL. If you are playing the game, there is a steep learning curve. The moves themselves are fairly simple, but everything is timing based, and CPU controlled wrestlers don't give you much leeway on your timing, even on the easiest difficulty level. CPU wrestlers simply DGAF if you are noob. However, the fun of wrestling games isn't you against the CPU anyway, it's you against your buddy. And if you both suck at getting the timing right, it's balanced, LOL. But, honestly? I never actually wrestle any matches. The fun of Fire Pro is in just setting matches up and letting the CPU wrestle the CPU, while you sit back and watch the mayhem. This game has moves in it that you have never seen in a wrestling game before, and that's before you ever even touch the downloadable content. You sim the CPU against the CPU, and you have no idea what kind of match you are going to get. It might last 5 minutes, it might last 50. It could be a technically perfect match or a flat out brawl, the AI kind of goes with the flow. It's incredibly fun to watch. Technically, you can do CPU vs. CPU in the WWE games too...but it's really not the same... Before I get into the absolute best part of FPWW, I do have to mention a criticism that I have with the game. You have a very small selection of championship belt designs available, and while you can download "belts" as part of a wrestlers clothing design, the belts you can actually win or lose in the game is very limited. I hope a future DLC allows people to expand the number of belt designs, as I think it's the game's biggest weakness. And now, for the best part of the game: Create-A-Wrestler/Steam Workshop. The game is worth it for wrestling fans just for the depth of this one feature. First, the game has built in, an incredible amount of choices when it comes to designing your own wrestler. From faces, masks, costumes, materials, You can make just about any wrestler you want, just from what's available to you initially. You can create separate promotions to organize your wrestlers in, create stables within those promotions, move wrestlers from one to another, just a lot of freedom to play promoter (outside of the previously mentioned promoter mode). But, what if you don't want to take the time to learn how to make really cool created wrestlers to use? Well, then you can just hop on Steam, and go to the Fire Pro Workshop...where you can download thousands of characters, clothing, faces, ring mats, logos, and moves. You can download just about any wrestler you can think of, chances are someone's created them already. But who wants to download wrestlers one at a time? BORING! Want to create a wrestling promotion based on the classic 1980s WWF? No problem. Instead of trying to remember all of your favorite old school wrestlers, just find a 1980s WWF collection or 10 to download...Preferred the NWA or WCW? There's a collection for that too. World Class? ECW? TNA? Ring of Honor? Collections! Why not simply download entire rosters? But what about non-wrestlers? Can you include those, just for fun? ABSOLUTELY. My own personal game has ex-Presidents, Transformers, He-Man characters, DBZ characters, G.I. Joes, Marvel/DC comic characters, Star Wars and Star Trek characters, the Bee Gees, KISS, Kratos, all of the wrestlers from the NES Pro Wrestling game, MMA fighters, boxers, Martial artists like Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris, celebrities, the Ninja Turtles, Freddy Krueger, Jason, old timey movie creatures from those 1930s-1950s schlocky movies, Robocop, the Terminator, Conan the Barbarian, just all kinds of weird non-wrestling characters. You wanna know who would win in a fight between Skeletor and Cobra Commander? No problem! Set up a barbed-wire match between Galactus and Unicron? Sure! Wanna see how Daniel LaRusso from The Karate Kid/Cobra Kai would do against Marty McFly inside of a UFC ring? You can make that happen...Deathmatch between Bob Ross and Mr. Rogers? I dunno why you would ever be that sadistic to put them against each other in a fight, but if you really wanted to... Lastly, where else are you gonna see Hulk Hogan against Duke Nukem inside the Octagon, with a bear as the referee? As some of you may have noticed, despite being one of the original "Big 4" PPVs the WWE runs, along with Wrestlemania, Summerslam and the Royal Rumble, while I did the tribute to the Undertaker, I did not do either a preview or post-PPV review thread for the matches themselves.
There is a very good reason for that. They way they built the card, there was very little to write about. Outside of the Tribute to the Undertaker itself, you had 1 mens and 1 womens Survivor Series type match, and a bunch of non-title champion vs. champion matches. Other than pride, nothing was at stake for the entire PPV, so it gave me very little reason to care about each individual match. I still watched the event, and the matches themselves were mostly decent...but, there was no purpose to any of it, because nothing substantial could happen. Absolutely nothing changed in the WWE between Sunday and today, so there wasn't much point in writing about matches that didn't matter at all. To that, using this year's card as an example, I have a few changes I would make to the event, in order to lend it gravitas, in order to give the matches actual consequences to be felt down the line... Change #1, for Survivor Series type elimination matches: All surviving members of the winning team automatically get a spot in January's Royal Rumble. You can only do the whole "Team RAW vs. Team Smackdown" pride angle for so long, but by putting something concrete at stake, there are real benefits for your team winning. Eliminated members from both teams can still earn entrance into the Royal Rumble through qualifying matches later, but the surviving members of the winning team are automatically entered. Change #2, for Champion vs. Champion matches: First, don't have them, unless you are willing to actually make them important, by putting both titles on the line. If you beat the other champion by pinfall or submission, you win their belt (same rules as standard title match, DQ/Countout doesn't cost champ his belt). You then have the choice to either keep your belt and stay on your same show, or vacate that belt in favor of the belt you just won, and move to the other show. Roman Reigns (Smackdown) beat Drew McIntyre (RAW), so in this case, he would leave the Survivor Series with both belts, and then tonight on RAW, would choose if he wants to move to RAW or stay on Smackdown, based on which title he vacates...The vacated title would then be up for grabs at TLC, the WWE's December PPV. Then, the show with the vacated title holds something like a tournament, battle royal, or other gimmick to determine who wrestles at TLC for that belt. The point is, make the matches actually mean something by putting something tangible at stake. While the Undertaker (real name Mark Calaway) somewhat formally retired after his Boneyard match against AJ Styles at Wrestlemania with comments he made during the "Last Ride" documentary series on WWE Network, the WWE will be honoring the Undertaker's career this year at Survivor Series (Nov. 22) to celebrate his 30th Anniversary with the WWE. In anticipation of that, here are some of the more memorable highlights to his WWE career. (He started out in World Class Championship Wrestling as Texas Red, and was later in WCW as Mean Mark Callous, but this is going to focus solely on his Undertaker character and WWE career.) Also, this is far from comprehensive, the man's career could span multiple books, these are just the ones that really stuck with me personally) The 1990 Survivor Series featured a 4 on 4 matchup between the Dream Team (Dusty Rhodes, Koko B. Ware, and the Hart Foundation, Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart), going up against the Million Dollar Team, made up of Ted DiBiase, the Honky Tonk Man, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, and a mystery teammate... The character was immediately a hit. The Undertaker, despite being a total gimmick character, struck a chord with the fans, and he got insanely over. So over, that exactly one year after debuting, The Undertaker got his first chance at WWF Gold, by taking on The Immortal Hulk Hogan at Survivor Series 1991. At age 26, Mark Calaway became the youngest WWF champion ever (at the time)...for 6 days, until Jack Tunney stripped him of the title, due to Ric Flair's actions. (This is the storyline that eventually led to the 1992 Royal Rumble being for the WWF Title, and not just for a guaranteed title shot at Wrestlemania, which of course, Ric Flair won, in one of the greatest Royal Rumble matches ever) He was out of the title picture for a while, feuding with various wrestlers, until early 1994, in which he "lost" a casket match against Yokozuna, and disappeared for over half of a year (due to the first serious injury of his career). But then, people started claiming they saw the Undertaker, and lo and behold, Ted DiBiase brought the Undertaker back...only, something wasn't right...It was an imposter (played by Brian Lee, Mark Calaway's cousin)...the Underfaker! One Summerslam match later, and the Undertaker was back, but this time, he added the iconic purple colors to his character's costume, replacing the grey gloves and boots. Skipping ahead, The Undertaker feuded with people, did some stuff, and started his feud with Mankind (Mick Foley). We haven't gotten to the HIAC match yet, be patient, that comes a little later. Next we get to Hell In A Cell. Sorry, still not that one...but rather, the FIRST one. The one at In Your House: Bad Blood, in 1997. Don't tell me you forgot all about that...because you really didn't. You just don't remember WHY you remember...we will get to that. First, OF COURSE the Undertaker was part of history, by being one of the wrestlers involved in the first ever HIAC match...His opponent? Who else but Shawn Michaels? Shawn Michaels was the European champ (remember when that was an actual thing?) and while I don't quite remember what led to their feud, somehow, It led to the creation of the first Hell In A Cell match. The match itself was history making just for that fact. Throw in the fact it was a really good match, between two future WWE legends, the Showstopper and the Dead Man, and it was guaranteed to be talked about...And yet, despite that being the first ever HIAC match, despite it being a classic matchup between Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker (more on those two later), there is an even bigger reason people remember that match from Badd Blood... That match also involved Vince McMahon giving us one of the most memorable quotes ever, from In Your House: Badd Blood of all places: "THAT'S GOTTA BE....THAT'S GOTTA BE KANE!!!!" And while they wouldn't team up for a while yet, this was the first time the Brothers of Destruction would be in the ring together. Whether as rivals or allies, you can't talk about the Undertaker's incredible career without also talking about Kane. Kane became an integral part of the Undertaker's career, giving him a complicated background story, giving him a credible threat who was just as invincible as he was, Kane was the perfect foil, and perfect friend to the Undertaker, at various points in his career. So that match gave us the first ever HIAC, it gave us a fabulous match between Taker and HBK, AND it introduced the character Kane, who enjoyed a 20 year run as the Dead Man's brother himself...Not bad, WWE...Not bad. Ok. NOW we get to the HIAC match you really care about, because when it comes to HIAC, it's the one everyone thinks of... Ok, now that we have gotten that over with, can we move on? Shortly after, the Undertaker changed his gimmick from the standard Undertaker/Deadman gimmick to the more satanic Ministry of Darkness version, where he dyed his hair black, wore nothing but black, and basically looked like a comic book villain. I didn't much care for this version of the Undertaker, and fortunately for me, it didn't last very long, only about a year...and then Mark Calaway abandoned the entire Undertaker character, except for the name itself, to become the American Bad Ass, or as I called him, the Underbiker. (Basically, it was Mark Calaway playing himself for the most part). Now, we are going to skip ahead quite a bit. Not that the Undertaker didn't do anything for the next decade, but rather this post is getting long, and there are two MAJOR things I have to cover yet... So...remember a bit ago, when I mentioned we would be talking about Shawn Michaels some more? Well, we are there now. There are some defining moments in a wrestler's career, and the Undertaker ended up with two of those moments, a year apart from each other, against the same opponent, at the same PPV. At Wrestlemania 25, Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker gave us one of the greatest Wrestlemania matches of all time. You guys know that I hold the IC title match at Wrestlemania III between Randy Savage and Ricky Steamboat as #1, but dammit, this match comes close...Two 44 year olds absolutely stole the damn show...and yet, that match isn't even the most signficant Undertaker/HBK match they would have...that would come a year later at Wrestlemania 26, in Shawn Michael's retirement match. Even knowing that HBK was retiring, knowing that Undertaker HAD to win, there was still a part of me that refused to accept that the Heartbreak Kid was done...But, if he is going to retire, honestly, who could retire Mr. Wrestlemania better than the Deadman? Outside of Triple H, the Undertaker, and the Undertaker alone, could have that honor. And on that note, I think I am going to wrap this up. I had to skip a lot of stuff, and quite honestly, The Undertaker's Wrestlemania Streak (and its end) deserves its own thread, not a mere blurb here. The streak was one of the defining characteristics of his entire career, it would be impossible to cover here, too big, to important to limit to a few paragraphs.
I remember seeing Mark Calaway in WCCW as Texas Red and as a young "Mean" Mark Callous when he was in WCW...If you had told me prior to his WWE debut, that someday, Mark Callous was going to be one of the most legendary, important wrestlers in history, that he would be one of the most respected, most accomplished wrestlers ever, that he would continue to have a meaningful wrestling career, in the biggest wrestling company on the planet until he was in his 50s, and is one of the few people in the world capable of changing Vince McMahon's mind about a wrestling idea, I would have laughed at you. And I would have been wrong. The Undertaker's career speaks for itself, and I hope that the WWE is going all out to celebrate it later this month...because he's earned the praise, he deserves it. The Undertaker character is dead, long live the Undertaker! 1. What did Han Solo say to the waiter who recommended the haddock?
Never sell me the cods! 2. Why didn’t any of Luke Skywalker’s marriages last? He always followed Obi-Wan’s advice: “Use divorce, Luke.” 3. What was Lando’s nickname before he became a skilled pilot? Crashdo. 4. Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow. 5. What is Admiral Ackbar's favorite type of music? Trap. 6.What do you call a rebel princess who only shops at Whole Foods? Leia Organic. 7. What do you call an eel that loves the new Star Wars trilogy? A More-Rey Eel. 8. Where did Luke get his cybernetic hand? The second hand store. 9. Where does Princess Leia shop for Father’s Day? At the Darth Maul. 10. Why couldn’t Luke find love? He was looking in Alderaan places. 11. What do you call two Han Solos singing together? Han Duet. 12. What did the dentist say to Luke Skywalker? May the floss be with you. 13. What did Leia’s adoptive parents say when she used to sleepwalk as a child? Uh-oh, it’s the rise of Skywalker. 14. What Star Wars character sells hotdogs? Admiral Snackbar. 15. How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side. 16. Why did the tapeworm stay far away from Palpatine? He didn’t want anyone to say he was in Sidious. 17. We don’t want to sound racist but... All stormtroopers look the same to us. 18. What did Darth Vader say when he walked into a vegetarian restaurant? “I find your lack of steak disturbing.” 19. What was Tarkin's favorite brand of toilet paper? Charmin to the last. 20. What does your Canadian friend cooking dinner for you have in common with the Empire from Star Wars? Pal-poutine. 21. How did Darth Vader cheat at poker? He kept altering the deal. 22. Stormtroopers in quarantine are like, “I miss people.” I’m not too sympathetic. They always miss people. 23. What did Darth Vader say to the Emperor at the Star Wars auction? “What is thy bidding, my master?” 24. What goes, “Ha, ha, ha, haaaa…. AGGGHHHH! Thump”? An Imperial Officer laughing at Darth Vader. 25. Why was Darth Vader bad at sports? He always choked. 26. How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday? He felt his presents! 27. Where does Kylo Ren get his creepy black clothes? From his closet. 28. No, I mean where does Kylo Ren buy his clothes? From the mall. I mean, have you seen how much Kylo Ren stuff they have there right now? 29. What position does Darth Vader play in baseball The Umpire. 30. What do you call C-3PO when he’s being a good listener? Hear-Threepio. 31. What is R2D2 short for? Because he has little legs. 32. What do you call an invisible droid? C-through-PO. 33. Did you know R2D2 loves to curse? They have to bleep out all his words. 34. Is BB hungry? No, BB-8. 35. Does R2D2 have any brothers? Nope, only transistors. 36. What do you need to reroute droids? R2-Detour. 37. Why was the droid angry? People kept pushing its buttons. 38. What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? R2 Detour. 39. Why is a droid mechanic never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends. 40. Why did movies 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2, and 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was. 41. What did Obi-Wan tell Luke when his young apprentice was having a difficult time using chopsticks at the Chinese restaurant? “Use the forks, Luke.” 42. What did Yoda ride as a kid? A do-cycle. Because there is no tri. 43. My wife says she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars. I said, “Please don’t go, honey. You’re the Obi-Wan for me.” 44. What do you call five Siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob. 45. Why do doctors make the best Jedi? Because a Jedi must have patience. 46. How long has Anakin Skywalker been evil? Since the Sith Grade. 47. Which Jedi became a rock star? Bon Jovi-Wan Kenobi. 48. What’s Yoda’s advice for going to the bathroom? Doo-doo or doo-doo-not-do. 49. Which program do Jedi use to open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi. 50. Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? He’s a little short. 51. What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy 52. Who is short, green and plays the cello? Yo-Yo Da. 53. What do you call Kenobi triplets? Obi-Three. 54. What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be. 55. What’s the difference between Boba Fett and a time machine operated by Marty McFly? One’s a Mandalorian, and the other’s a manned DeLorean. 56. I asked my wife to dress up as a bounty hunter from Star Wars. I have a Boba fettish. 57. Jabba the Hut is fat. How fat is he? He’s so fat, Obi Wan took a closer look and said, “That’s no moon.” 58. What was General Grievous’ favorite band? Weezer. 59. What do you get if you mix a bounty hunter with a tropical fruit? Mango Fett. 60. How do Tusken Raiders cheat on their taxes? They always single file, to hide their numbers. 61. What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? The. 62. I went to a sale at the Maul. Everything was half off. 63. I put on a porn movie for Han and Greedo. I’ll let you know. 64. Any space smuggler will tell you, never try the blue milk at the Mos Eisley cantina. It’ll give you the Kessel runs for twelve parsecs. 65. Which website did Chewbacca get arrested for creating? Wookieeleaks. 66. How does Wicket get around Endor? Ewoks. 67. What’s Jar Jar Binks’ favorite meal? Miso soup. 68. How do you unlock doors on Kashyyyk? With a woo-key. 69. What do Jawas have that no other creatures in the galaxy has? Baby Jawas. 70. What side of an Ewok has the most hair? The outside. 71. Star Wars fans don't smoke cigarettes after sex. They chew ‘bacca 72. Did you know Fozzie Bear was in Star Wars? He was an Ewokka-wokka! 73. Where do Gungans store their fruit preserves? Jar Jars. 74. Have you tried the gluten-free Wookiee treats? I heard they’re a little Chewy. 75. An Ewok strolls into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a whisky and… soda.” The bartender says, “Sure thing—but why the little pause?” “Dunno,” says the Ewok. “I’ve had them all my life.” 76. What’s the internal temperature of a Tauntaun? Lukewarm. 77. How do you stir fry on Endor? With an e-wok. 78. Why did Chewbacca get sent back down to play minor league baseball? He was making too many Wookiee mistakes. 79. How do Ewoks communicate over long distances? With Ewokie Talkies. 80. Why should you never tell jokes on the Falcon? The ship might crack up. 81. Why are Death Star pilots fed up with space battles? Because they always end up in a TIE. 82. What’s a rebel’s favorite TV talent show? X-wing Factor. 83. I saw a falcon eating avocado toast. Guess it’s a millennial falcon. 84. What kind of spaceship did Luke fly in grade school? An ABC-Wing. 85. What do you call an over-powered janitorial stormtrooper in the Death Star? A Super Duper Pooper Trooper. 86. Why is a gossip website like the Imperial Fleet? They’re both full of star destroyers. 87. What time is it when an AT-AT steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer. 88. Why was the Millennium Falcon easier to fly after The Force Awakens? It’s now Hans free. 89. How did they get between floors on the Death Star? In the ele-Vader. 90. The Star Wars text crawl walks into a bar. “Get outta my pub!” the bartender yells. “We don’t serve your type here.” 91. Warning: Star Wars spoilers! Voosh voosh pew pew pew voosh voosh pew pew voosh force choke voosh pew pew pew 92. Oh, sure everyone loves Star Wars on May 4th... Until you tell your nephew you’re his father! 93. So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favorite Star Wars character. You should’ve seen the Luke on her face. 94. What sound do Yoda’s sheep make? Day go baaa. 95. I found out I was colorblind by watching Star Wars. I couldn’t see the green screen. 96. What do you call a Sarlacc Pit that only speaks in ironic mockery? A Sar-chasm. 97. Did you know Chuck Norris was in every Star Wars movie? He played the Force. 98. What do you call a redneck Star Wars fan? Bubba Fett. 99. Trying to come up with jokes about Star Wars is difficult. Sometimes they seem a bit too forced. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
February 2021
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