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Women's Tag Team Championship -- Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler (c) vs. The Riott Squad
This match didn't happen. Due to undisclosed medical reasons (ie, probably a positive COVID test), neither Nia Jax nor Shayna Baszler were cleared to wrestle last night. Supposedly the women's tag team title situation will be addressed tonight on RAW. Smackdown Tag Team Championships -- Cesaro & Shinsuke Nakamura (c) vs. The Lucha House Party This got moved to the Kickoff show, replacing the Asuka/Zelina Vega match that was originally scheduled to be on the kickoff. This.....was actually a pretty decent match. There was no way Cesaro and Shinsuke Nakamura were going to drop the titles, but they made Lucha House Party look like a credible threat, after a year of LHP being little more than a joke. It was well booked for what it was. B+. Intercontinental Championship -- Jeff Hardy (c) vs. AJ Styles vs. Sami Zayn (Ladder match) Holy hell. This quite possibly could win Match of the Year. I didn't really have high expectations for this, but DAAAAAAMN. These three guys all put on a freaking show!!! And that ending? Best heel-win ending for a ladder match I have ever seen. Ever watched a ladder match, and thought given there are basically no rules, how easy it would be for a heel to just tie their opponent to the ring or handcuff them to the ropes or something like that, so they couldn't stop them from climbing the ladder to get the belt? WEEEELLLLLLL, Sami Zayn had that thought too...He hid two pairs of handcuffs in his army jacket that he wears to the ring, and used the first to handcuff Jeff Hardy's ear to a ladder (Hardy has those huge hoop earrings that go right in the piercing)...he then tried to use the 2nd pair to handcuff AJ Styles to a ladder, but Styles outmaneuvered him and they ended up handcuffed together...Then, AJ tries to drag Zayn up the ladder with him, but little does he know, that Sami has the key, and quietly unlocks himself and then locks AJ to the ladder, allowing Sami to grab the IC titles, free and clear...the match itself was downright incredible...but with such a smart ending added to it? A++...and that might be underselling just how damn good this match was. Raw Women's Championship -- Asuka (c) vs. Zelina Vega (Kickoff Match) Due to a card shakeup, this match got moved to the PPV itself. It was a typical Asuka match. Asuka dominates early, opponent gets in a few minutes of offense to make them look credible, and then Asuka gets the win. Against a better opponent, this match would be graded much higher...but Zelina Vega can't put on the match Charlotte Flair, Becky Lynch, Bayley or Sasha Banks can. There was no doubt Asuka would retain her title, it was only a matter of how long they let the match go. B-. United States Championship -- Bobby Lashley (c) vs. Apollo Crews In the end, Bobby Lashley retained the US Title, but I am not really sure how to grade this one, as we have seen Lashley/Crews so many times over the last few months, I am not really sure what the point is anymore. The match didn't suck, but it wasn't great either? B-. Raw Tag Team Championships -- The Street Profits (c) vs. Andrade & Angel Garza Street Profits retain, but this match is a little difficult to judge fully, as Angel Garza suffered a legitimate leg injury during the match. Did they have to shorten it because of the injury? Was the ending changed on the fly? I don't know. As is, the match was probably a B. SmackDown Women's Championship -- Bayley (c) vs. Nikki Cross Due to the same undisclosed medical reason that caused the women's tag title match not to happen, Nikki Cross wasn't cleared to wrestle either. So Bayley got in the ring, bragged about herself, issued an open challenge to any woman backstage...after a brief pause, out comes Asuka, the Raw women's champion. If Asuka beat Bayley by pinfall or submission, she would hold both belts simultaneously (only the Smackdown title was on the line). Long story short, Bayley gets disqualified, giving Asuka the win, but Bayley keeps the title...then as soon as the match is over, Sasha Banks comes out and attacks Bayley. For the entire presentation, knowing all it did was end up as a continuation of Bayley's storyline with Sasha Banks, I'll give it a B-. WWE Championship -- Drew McIntyre (c) vs. Randy Orton (Ambulance Match) This was a brutal match. The idea of an Ambulance match is you have to get your opponent into the back of the ambulance parked next to the ring, and then close both doors shut, making you the winner. The match started out in the ring...Out pops the Big Show, to get revenge on Orton for punting him in the head...they go backstage...out pops Christian to get revenge on Orton for punting him in the head...they make it back to the ambulance, out pops Shawn Michaels to get revenge on Orton....uh, punting him in the head. (Hmmm, sensing a pattern here)...At some point, Orton slams McIntyre down on top of the ambulance's windshield, which has that shatterproof stuff on it, so it mostly held together, but it was clear McIntyre got glass shards in his back....McIntyre ends up taking out the driver side door at one point, as in, he kicks it so hard doing an attempted claymore kick on Ortons head, that he kicked the door right off the hinges (obviously a planned stunt, with stunt door). Anyway, match ends with McIntyre delivering a final Claymore kick to Orton, ambulance doors get shut, McIntyre wins match, keeps title. End of story, right? Well...almost. the ambulance drives off, with Orton still sealed in the back...being driven by the Nature Boy, Ric Flair...who was getting revenge on Orton for punting him in the head...Overall, this was an A-. Universal Championship -- Roman Reigns (c) vs. Jey Uso I thought this would be a fairly quick squash match in my preview post a few days ago...I was wrong. They gave this match plenty of time, and they gave Jey Uso plenty of offense. Obviously, Roman Reigns retained...but what they accomplished for Jey Uso was FAR, FAR more important. They made him a bonafide singles star in one match. While Jimmy Uso is sitting out injured, they had to do something with Jey...and thanks to this match, the idea of Jey Uso as a legit title contender for the US or IC belt isn't ridiculous at all. If they have him wrestle Sami Zayn this Friday on Smackdown for the Intercontinental title, and have him win it, it wouldn't seem like an upset at all. He gave Roman a damn good match. For Roman Reigns, this was a B+ match. For what it accomplished towards Jey Uso's single career though, this gets an A. Honestly, this might have been the best PPV of 2020 so far. It wasn't overloaded with matches, but, it had three absolutely outstanding matches, in the IC title ladder match, the ambulance match, and Roman Reigns/Jey Uso that more than made up for the weaker matches on the card. While it wasn't a perfect PPV by any stretch, It was very entertaining overall. OVERALL GRADE: A
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WWE Championship -- Drew McIntyre (c) vs. Randy Orton (Ambulance Match)
This is going to be the main event, guaranteed. DAMMIT, WWE...Randy Orton has been absolutely brilliant in 2020, what more does he need to do before you decide to give him one last title run? He absolutely has done more than enough to have earned one. This is an ambulance match, which means the rules are basically to win, you have to throw your opponent into an ambulance that will be near the ring...other than that, there are no rules. This is exactly the kind of match you would expect Randy Orton to win in...The WWE hasn't listened to me yet, but I am stubborn. Prediction: Randy Orton FINALLY captures title #14. Universal Championship -- Roman Reigns (c) vs. Jey Uso This match is nothing but reinforcement of Roman's heel turn. Jey Uso realistically has no chance at winning the Universal title, this is purely to show how much of a heel turn Roman Reigns has actually undergone. He's been tolerant of his cousin's antics, and barring them pulling the trigger on Smackdown before the PPV even happens, look for Reigns to go full on heel, and just beat the crap out of his "cuz". Prediction: Roman Reigns. Not to necessarily "win" the match, as he could get DQed, but he will be the one still standing at the end. Intercontinental Championship -- Jeff Hardy (c) vs. AJ Styles vs. Sami Zayn (Ladder match) Jeff Hardy is basically enhancement talent. AJ Styles needs to go back to the Main Event level tier so Roman Reigns has more credible challengers...that leaves Sami Zayn. Prediction: Sami Zayn regains the IC title. SmackDown Women's Championship -- Bayley (c) vs. Nikki Cross Part of me wants to predict that Sasha Banks costs Bayley the title, but then their feud won't have a belt to fight over. Because of that, Bayley has to retain the title here, I think. Prediction: Bayley Women's Tag Team Championship -- Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler (c) vs. The Riott Squad They have been teasing a Nia Jax/Shanya Baszler feud from the start...What better way to finally get it started, than by having each of them blame the other for losing the titles? Prediction: Riott Squad Raw Tag Team Championships -- The Street Profits (c) vs. Andrade & Angel Garza Jeebus, how many times are they gonna book these tag teams to go against each other? Prediction: Street Profits, just because. Smackdown Tag Team Championships -- Cesaro & Shinsuke Nakamura (c) vs. The Lucha House Party Uh...Lucha House Party? Nah. If Cesaro and Shinsuke are going to drop their Tag Team titles, it won't be to the Lucha House Party, who have done exactly NOTHING the entire time they have been in the WWE. Raw Women's Championship -- Asuka (c) vs. Zelina Vega (Kickoff Match) The fact this is scheduled to be on the kickoff show is downright insulting to Asuka. She is the best female wrestler on the roster, and deserves to be featured on the PPV itself. This is on the kickoff show because of her opponent, Zelina Vega, who only wrestles once in a blue moon, sticking to her role as manager...Prediction: Asuka. If they put the belt on Zelina, I riot. United States Championship -- Bobby Lashley (c) vs. Apollo Crews I am going to call an audible here. This match is going to be a no contest, as Retribution will interfere with the Hurt Business's umm...business, just like they did on RAW. Eventually, this will lead to a Bobby Lashley vs. Dominic Dijakovic feud (once WWE admits Dijakovic is actually one of the leaders of Retribution) This is the card, as it is currently announced. However, with NXT and Smackdown having yet to air as I write this, the card is obviously subject to change. I may have to make edits to this later this week, if needed. ***EDIT*** Rest in Peace, Joe Laurinaitis, aka Animal of the legendary Road Warriors/Legion of Doom tag team. Often imitated, but never duplicated, the Road Warriors are, and will always be, the golden standard for tag teams. There will never be another team like them. Go join your brother Hawk, Joe...and go cause some havoc in the Heavenly Wrestling Federation... Does he have a point? I think we all fundamentally understand that when a restaurant serves "Boneless" wings, that they aren't in fact, wings at all, but are usually just bigger "nuggets" made from breast meat. If we want to get technical, calling them boneless wings is a lie. I mean, he isn't wrong about that. Boneless wings and standard wings aren't from the same part of the chicken, and we all know that before we order them.
However, does it matter? If you order boneless wings, do you care that they aren't really wings? If they called them "sauced chicken tenders" instead, would you still order them? If you don't order boneless wings, is it because of the deceitful name, or is it because you just like traditional wings better? Can you even take someone seriously who shows up to a city council meeting wearing a hamburger tie? Did you even notice the hamburger tie? |
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February 2021
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